Jesse's Away in Germany

Sunday evening

Pip and I dropped Jesse off at the airport. We met Michael Collander and Pip wanted to walk around the airport for a bit. Keep in mind that this is the Moscow Pullman airport and it's a one room terminal. So we walked around and that was about it.

We went outside and watched the airplane land. It was so loud and Epiphany covered her ears. We took shelfies with Jesse and gave our last hugs and kisses. Then we left. Or... we thought we did. We got back to the car and I buckled Pip in and then I started to look for my car keys. I couldn't find them anywhere! Oh no! I remembered that I had started the car with my keys, but that Jesse had driven so he must have put them in his pocket. I called him and sure, enough he had them in his pocket. Haha!

Pip and I went to Winco and stocked up on food and supplied. Mostly junk food - popcorn, chocolate pudding, gummy worms, etc. :) Then we started for home. We got to the traffic light at the one-way street Jackson and A St and Pip says "Mom, I'm not buckled!" I had forgotten to buckle her in! I pulled over and buckled her in and told her good job for telling me. Then I told her how dangerous is was to be unbuckled in a car (not going in to any details really) and she started crying! I hugged her and said "Should we go home now?" Pip: "Yeahhhhh, I'm so tired!" She cried off and on for the next 15 minutes and I remembered that she didn't nap today. I don't think she understands about Jesse being gone or how to process him coming back. She had so much adrenaline and excitement and then crashed and cried. :( Poor sweetie.

When we got home, we had yogurt and called Jesse on speaker phone so Pip could talk to him and she liked that. She got in cozy jammies (Pip says "Cozy! Cozy! Cozy!" when she wears cozy clothes) and brushed teeth and went to bed. My turn to crash.

Jesse left Seattle and is on his way to New York. He'll get there at 2:30am our time, but it'll be 5:30am there and the sun will be up. I'm praying he can sleep tonight on the plane.

Ephesians 2:8,9

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

Honor and Respect Due to Those In Authority

"Then Jesus spoke to the multitudes and to His disciples, saying: "The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat. Therefore whatever they tell you to observe, that observe and do, but do not do according to their works; for they say, and do not do. For they bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men's shoulders."

The Middle of the Chapter

"Tried to work up the courage to watch this [Fourth video by CMP on PP selling baby parts], but that was really useless. "Another boy!" she says, as she prods about bits of a child in a pie plate. How horrific can it get? 

But we have a promise from our God that all of this will be undone. 

God makes all things new, and on the day we awake with new bodies--new and yet the same--we will see all of these children alive in the fullness of their glorious innocence. We will see the children starved in death camps and all the little girls ever discarded because they weren't boys. We'll see those massacred in abortion mills made whole and every male under the age of two whom Herod slew because they might have been Jesus. 

They and the martyrs and our Jesus Himself will stand before the world and He will say, "What you did to the least of these, you did to Me." And the least will say with their Lord--the first words of the unborn: "We were broken for the broken world. You broke us. We love you."

And some will find that more horrific than all and be lost. And many, having repented long before, will weep with gladness to see at last the limbs they tore restored, made whole and one and healed not only to their original state but to a glory past imagining, which is the glory of our Lord who was Himself innocent and torn limb from limb, side pierced. 

Those who rejoice to see their works undone will run to all that love spilled out and kneel. 

And you know the rest of the story. This is the certain future, even though, for now, ‪#‎PPkillsbabies‬and ‪#‎PPsellsbabyparts‬"

By Chloe Richardson, July 30, 2015

https://www.facebook.com/chloe.richardson.750

Rights

The issue of abortion is not new and it's not radical. To abort is to kill and whether its done on the inside of a woman or the outside, death is part of our world. 

But the idea that one human has more rights than another ... we've got names for that. It is sexists if we say a man has more rights than a woman. Or it's called racists if we say that a white man has more rights than a colored man. To say that, a woman has more rights than an unborn human growing in right womb, that's called feminist. 

Third Tuesday

What is going through the mind, the heart and the body of a woman who previously had an abortion as she scans Facebook today? Fear? Anger? Shame? Is she nauseous? Does she delete her account, or unfriend those who share the photos, videos and articles?

How terribly painful are these revealing videos to someone whose claim was that she wanted 'a choice', who wanted 'control over her own sexuality', only to discover that any tissue that resorted from her body's abortion was sold.

A form to sign. Blood money. Parts of conception. A mass. A potential human. No choice. No control.

They lied to you. They deceived you. They hid your own child from you. You never saw her; you could never grieve over him. Your child went unnamed.

I wish I could hold and hug each mother who is staring at a screen today, looking at the picture of the aborted child with price tags printed across it's body. We mourn with you who mourn.

#PPshoutyourstory #ProLifeSummer #WomenBetrayed

Chef

Written and directed by Jon Favreau and packed out with a classy cast, Chef boasts a colorful picture for any food lover.

Chef Carl Casper is passionate about food and loves to cook, loves to eat and loves to make people happy with his food creations. The movie begins by showing him climbing the ladder of success, reaching for an excellent food review that coming night at the expense of his son's desire for time with him. It's clear he feels awkward around his ex-wife while she acts naturally and comfortably in the role of the divorcee which she's played before.

Carl's passion to food is driven by tasteful creativity and his desire to wow the food critic clashes with the owner of the restaurant, played by Dustin Hoffman, who insists Chef Carl serves the critic standard menu fare. The critic is not impressed and rates his meal 2 stars. A twitter war ensues driving the restaurants publicity up which makes the Hoffman's character happy, though Carl knows people aren't happy with the cooking; it's just a trend.

After a heated argument, Carl is fired and demoralized. His ex-wife invites him to take a trip back to hometown Miami to get in touch with his roots and he buys a taco trunk. The rest of the movie is of him cleaning the truck, making really good food and making people happy while he and his pals cooking along the road home to LA. The movie ends with  the food critic becomes a pal after he tastes chef's real food and the estranged family is reunited.

The movie is colorful and the characters are real. The camaraderie between the chef and his staff is stuff books are written about and the relationship between Carl and his son is touching and true.

However, Carl is a passive character and really boring to watch. His lines are punchy and the most memorable scenes could stand alone, but everything that happens in this movie is caused by outside characters, outside forces and Carl stands there taking the one-twos.

Unfortunately, this is often real life. Even when we think we are the protagonist, it's often our son. It's the one who knows how to laugh, to love always and to be used to handing out forgiveness. The real hero is the one who explains things, who teaches and encourages. And tells us what Twitter is.

Epiphany Plays

Epiphany had always been content, but the last 6 months she's been needy too. She likes to be with me and play with me and do what I'm doing.

This afternoon I walked out of her room to start a load of laundry and I realized she didn't follow me.

Back in her room I found her playing by herself! She sat in her toy corner happily turning on her musical toys. She's learning to "play"!

On Motherhood

I remember thinking I did everything right.

"If you could get pregnant easily, you’d be certain that’s because God shows favor on people who follow the rules. Trust me, you would be an obnoxious person to be around and this humbling in your life and your theology is truly necessary."

I remember hearing "just relax", "my parents conceived me on vacation", "God will give you a child when you least expect it". 

"You try to trick God into thinking you’re letting go of your hope for a baby because maybe if you do, he’ll let you have one."

When adoption was first mentioned, I didn't want to hear it. To me, it was a loss of my dream, my vision for my life. Marriage, pregnancy, six kids. Or something like that. I was out of control. I didn't have control. My life was not my own. I've known this before, but now I felt it and it hurt, so I fought. God gave me grace and time. My firstborn came two and half years later, bursting into our world and startling us with parenthood. 

God blessed us so abundantly with Epiphany, our sudden burst of light. Her adoption was amazingly smooth and easy. I remember wondering why is it easy? Should I be prepared for the other shoe to drop? I was prepared for the other shoe to drop. Both of us were geared up, wound up, ... for anything. But mostly it all happened so fast I didn't have time to worry or be scared. And God was good there too. 

While we don't feel financially ready yet for another adoption, we feel mentally strengthen for something new. More. Harder. And that scares me. In my conversations with Him, I admit that I'm not willing to follow Him when it's hard and He's getting us ready for what I categorize as "hard".

I am so surprised that I even have these conversation with our Lord. He is revealing Himself to me in a new way, a friendly way, a way that invites me in to complain, to question and to wrestle. And I'm so glad that my fears are revealed and that I am admitting them. 

But to God all things are possible and I shouldn't worry about the hard toil it may take on me and my stamina. My life is hid in Christ and He loves, gives and dies whole bodily as He purposefully follows the will of the Father. 

"you can’t even begin to imagine the children that are waiting for you. Your dreams for a family aren’t big enough. While you’re begging and bargaining with God for just one healthy pregnancy, you have no idea that his plan for you is much bigger."

I'm excited for His plan for my life. I am so thankful to have Jesse along side me, encouraging our prayers. I love having a Sudden Courageous reminder that God blesses, gives and bestows such joy on His children.

Easter Sunday, 2014

He Is Risen!!

Milestones

Look at this girl! Pulling herself up to new heights! At eleven months she learned to crawl. At 13 months she can pull herself up, take steps with help and cruise along the furniture.

One Year Ago Today, part 4

One year ago today we sat across the table from Epiphany's birth parents at Red Robin. Cara, our case worker, was there. So was their aunt.

After we were served our food, the birth mom handed me a card and said something like "this is for you" - I smiled, said thanks, looked at Jesse and said should I open it? I did and he read it over my shoulder.

It was a Congratulations on Your New Baby card.

When I looked up at her with a few tears in my eyes, she was smiling. I'll never forget that smile because my daughter still wears it. They said that they were so glad we were willing to meet with them again, in person, so they could tell us that they would like us to be the adoptive parents to the baby.

Jesse wasn't able to say anything, so I said thank you. Thank you for the card, for wanting to meet with us, for this gift. They also thanked us for writing our profile, for being willing to be interviewed and for bring who we were. They were glad to begin a friendship with us.

I remember they said they'd like us to wait at the hospital during the birth.

And they said we should name her.

We talked for 2 more hours and ended the visit with a plan to meet again the next day for bowling.

Jesse and I drove back to our hotel and hugged & kiss each other before calling our families. This was something I'd waited a long time to do - announce the expectation of our child! 2 weeks! Due in 2 weeks!

After dinner (I have no memory of eating), we went to Babies R Us and we each picked out an outfit for our baby.

One Year Ago, part 3

One year ago, yesterday, I was at work and got a call from our adoption agency.

We had meet the birth parents on March 1st and had a wonderfully long visit with them. We liked them and felt surprisingly comfortable.

But 10 days had passed with no word. We knew there were two other families who had been interviewed also, so we figured our chances were 33%.

Our case worker said we should come down for a second interview. Oh? The other couples were not coming back for a second interview, but the birth parents would like to see us again. Really? They wanted to meet some place more casual then the adoption agency. How does lunch sound? They were going to bring their aunt too. O.K.

I left work after getting permission from my boss, of course, and we hit the road within 45 minutes.

We scheduled our "second interview" for a lunch at Red Robin on March 12 @ 2pm.

One Year Ago, part 2

One Year Ago, yesterday, we met Epiphany's birth parents for the first time. We sat in a room waiting for them and then we heard them enter the main doors of the building and the ladies at the front desk greeted them. We heard them walk down the hallway.

My memories of first seeing them are dim. It was such a rush of excitement and nerves that the moment past without much imprint.

I remember wondering if I should introduce myself with my last name or not.
I remember thinking my palms were sweaty.
I remember hoping I didn't stutter or stumble over my words.

I remember seeing a well-built, dark haired man with a black dog and woman whose pregnancy wasn't immediately noticeable. I remember thinking that was how my mom carried my youngest brother. She was short, with curly hair and was dressed in comfortable pants and shirt with a sweater. It was wonderfully warm for March 1st.

Our caseworker, Cara, began with some general introductions and since they had both brought notepads with them, she offered to let them ask anything they wanted.

I remember feeling like they knew all about us, from the information off our profile, but I didn't know anything about them. I felt comfortable with the way they looked at us, smiled, looked as awkward as I felt.

We were asked questions and we got to ask them a few questions. I wasn't sure what to ask so it wouldn't seem like prying. We heard how they met and how he proposed. We heard about his mission trip to East Europe and her trip to China. He called himself a "Sports Dork" and she liked to write and read.

Our first visit was comfortable and we felt there was room for a friendship to grow. We were excited and worn out.

A year ago we met two people who changed our lives. Our adoption story has been one of great grace, ease and smooth sailing. And a large part of our joy was made possible by two people who cared, loved and freely gave.

One Year Ago Today, part 1

One year ago today Jesse and I were staying with our nieces and nephews while their mom and dad had a weekend away. I was at work in the afternoon when I got a call from the adoption agency we worked with.

"A birth family liked your profile and wants to interview you."

The call we'd be waiting for, the call expressing interest, had come. Someone had read our profile, added us to their "maybe" pile and decided to meet us.

Coming to the decision to adopt is difficult. I've seen a young woman ready to give a gift, a young man who wasn't able to handle the decision, and a couple searching for direction as time draws near. I appreciated that our adoption agency encouraged an interview process; a chance for both families to meet, talk, hear each other laugh and prepare for a new relationship.

I took down all the details I could, told our case worker we'd call her tomorrow and called Jesse. We talked quickly since he was in the middle of full time Uncle Afternoon, but his encouraging words were that there were no red flags. No concerns. No immediate hesitation.We'd never come to this stage in the adoption process before and we were ready to proceed.

I called the agency back and set up an appointment for Friday, March 1st.

All Love Is Equal

My sister-in-law liked a link on Facebook and I followed it to a post written by a photographer who set out to capture love and romance in the LBGT culture. The pictures are gorgeous and the settings are phenomenal. And wherever you fall on the controversial subject of the culture, marriage and lifestyle of gays, this post is captivating. Linked here.

The tagline of the project is 'All Love is Equal'.  There is an element of truth to this statement that is beautiful, but I don't think it's accurate.

As soon as I say that, I'm sure eyebrows are raised and hesitation is felt in the gut. Hold on.

All good things come from the Lord whose good grace falls on all men. The truest of all forms of every emotion is given from the one who created us. Love, joy, happiness, pleasure; it's all given from the Lord. His example of love to us in grace and mercy, in sacrifice and redemption is a true measure of love. "Greater love has no man than this, than to lay down his life for his friends." (paraphrase from John 15:13)

When I said that the statement 'all love is equal' is inaccurate, I'm talking about the forms of love. I'm not looking down on colors or creeds or sex or people in love, I'm talking about the many forms of love allowed for the many relationships in life.

The love between parent and child. "Daddy's Little Girl." "A Momma's Boy". or of a grandparent and a grandchild. "Spoiled." "What happens at Grandma's, Stays at Grandma's". This is familial love and creates bonds between our closest friends, our care givers and our primary instructors.

The love between friends. Best Friends. BFFs. Kindred spirits. The Guys. Her Gals. His Gang. This love of friendship is different than familial love, though it can overlap. Someone in your family could be your best friend. The connection between friends is what girds us on, strengthens us, prods us to new things, and challenges us in good and bad ways.

The romantic love between two people. Lover. Girlfriend. Hot date. Sexy. My man. My woman. The romantic love is our comfort, our pleasure, our sanctuary at the end of the day. Our romantic interest is our drug and desire. And romantic love attraction between two people is unique because of the two fold manifestation. While the other loves are public and common, romantic love has a sexual side that is hidden and private; access to this in only shared between the lovers.

C.S. Lewis describes this various loves and outlines a fourth in his book, The Four Loves. The fourth love is between man and God. A worshipful love. A love of devotion and prayer. I highly recommend the book as a good read on the subject, but this is enough for a blog post.

My point at the end of all this is that a blanket statement and a general headline is misleading. All Love is Not Equal. There are many forms and styles of love. But all people are created with equal worth and their expression of love is by no means less than another's.

Morning

"I've always liked the feeling of being the first one awake in the morning; it makes you daring somehow."
Leif Enger, Peace Like A River

Advent Week 2

 ‘When you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not wholly reap the corners of your field, nor shall you gather the gleanings of your harvest. And you shall not glean your vineyard, nor shall you gather every grape of your vineyard; you shall leave them for the poor and the stranger: I am the Lordyour God.'

Leviticus 19: -10

Advent Eve

Our God, Heav'n cannot hold him
Nor earth sustain;
Heav'n and earth shall flee away
When he comes to reign:
In the bleak midwinter
A stable place sufficed
The Lord God Almighty
Jesus Christ.

Christina Rossetti

First Teddy Bear

When Epiphany was born, her birth parents have her, via Jesse and I, a box full of stuffed animals including a teddy best that they made at Build A Bear workshop.
Here she finally is interested in his face and fuzz.